The Roman Catholic Church XI

So Arrividerci! then, The Roman Catholic Church, as in one short and simple sentence, Pope Frances utterly renounces its purpose by stating that god will forgive atheists.

I speak for Him and we are infallible!

I speak for Him and we are infallible!

Going forward therefore, what possible purpose can the church serve, other than to continue bestowing an extravagantly sybaritic life-style on the inhabitants of Vatican City?

The Pope hinted at this revelation earlier this year, when he said that even atheists could be welcomed into heaven. However, a rather cross Vatican official later said that the Pope’s remarks “had been taken out of context” and that, of course, “people who do not believe in God cannot be saved.”

Despite this conservatism in his back office, [No sniggering – we did say “conservatism in his back office,” not “a conservative in his back orifice.” Ed.] the Pope has been striking a more “inclusive” tone since he took over as leader of the world’s 1.2 billion Roman Catholics in March.

Why, he even reached out to homosexuals on his return from a week-long trip to Brazil in July [I said, no sniggering! Ed.] saying: “If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?”

Well, we might remind the Pope that man is created in god’s image, so who is he to say that god isn’t gay as well as everything else? And we should also remind him that god must have created HIV and AIDS, which many of his predecessors have called god’s divine wrath on the foul practitioners of homo-sexualism.

Meanwhile, the Pope has been clearing out the Mafiosi and Masons of the P2 Lodge from his own back office [Right, that’s it – I’m sick of this puerile black humour. No more homosexual innuendos plead! Ed.] [Ho, ho, innuendo! Geddit? Staff Reporter] [Oh, for god’s sake. Ed.], replacing what is basically a bunch of criminals and money launderers with people who will responsibly invest in worthy causes, the £, $ and € billions donated to the church by poor people; causes such as fine linens, fine wines and fine food for the inhabitants of Vatican City.

The Pope’s softening line on atheism came as his incoming number two, [Yes, yes, yes, don’t bother – I can see where you’re going with that. Ed.] the Vatican’s newly-nominated secretary of state, said that celibacy among priests was not “a dogma of the Church” and could be open for discussion.

So if it wasn’t “a dogma of the Church,” what was it and why did it last for 1,000 years? Was it an infallible gift from god, in which case, should we really be risking his wrath by changing it?

The Pope’s latest revelation was allegedly triggered by editorials written in “La Repubblica” by the paper’s founder, Eugenio Scalfari, an agnostic, who quite reasonably asked whether “the Christian God forgives those who do not believe and do not seek faith,” given that Christians are allegedly tolerant and forgiving, and according to their own dogma, have a monopoly of morality, so this is a good question to ask.

The Pope’s response that “the mercy of God has no limits” and encompassed even non-believers, failed to impress the Italian Union of Atheists and Agnostics, who said, again quite reasonably, for Italians: “What interests non-believers is certainly not ‘forgiveness’ from an entity whose existence we do not trust.”

This is a very polite way of saying; “Frankly, why would an atheist give a flying fuck that the Pope thinks his god will forgive them?”

In other words, the question of whether god forgives atheists is entirely moot to begin with.

Still, at least Existentialists all over the world are breathing a sigh of relief – they’ve basically been right all along.







Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>